Baby steps

So apparently it's been 7 months since I updated this blog. We can now add this to the list of things that I can't seem to stay on top of. Let's see...taking cute pictures of my kids, eating sensibly, exercising consistently, keeping my house clean, showering regularly, not dressing like homeless bag lady....I know it's just baby steps, right? Like in that movie "What About Bob?" Just write a little bit every week.

So what have I been doing these past 7 months? As much as I would like to say that I paid $0.31 for $600 worth of groceries while wearing my size 2 pants and planning my next vacation to Arumba (you know, because I have all this money because I don't have to pay for groceries, duh), all while crafting with my perfectly behaved children and posting it on Pinterest, the reality is that I have no motivation for that kind of stuff.

Some of you may remember that I'm not a fan of Christmas. Just looking at the lights and decorations makes me feel exhausted and broke. When I think of baking holiday cookies with the kids, all I see is a sink full of dishes and sprinkles all over the floor. I don't want to put up a tree. I don't want to move an elf around my house. Bah. Humbug. Sorry folks.

What I would really like to do is drink Diet Coke and watch Breaking Bad on Netflix.

Unfortunately, I may have to start making an effort, even if it kills me, and start pretending I like the holidays for everyone's sake. Mateo has already decided that we need to keep up with the Joneses and get some lights on the house. Even though our neighbors refuse to clean up their yard or make basic repairs to their house...they have hung up hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas lights and paraphernalia. Mateo has informed me that it is "not fair" that we have not followed suit. Hmmm...maybe we can put up the tree this weekend. And maybe I can take some pictures of us doing it. Baby steps.

Target

A short time ago, Nico was in that hellish limbo between sweet baby and self-sufficient school aged child. I believe most people call it the toddler stage. Eventually, some honest people came up with the term "terrible twos", although I still think that is somewhat of a euphemism. Nico's terribleness began at around 18 months and didn't really let up until he was 4. During this stage, Nico became my shopping partner mostly because Max refused to be left home alone with him. Since then, Nico has crossed over and become a human being again. But he has still remained my shopping partner.

We mostly go to the supermarket, but occasionally there is the trip to somewhere more fun. When we got in the car today, Nico began the following conversation.

Nico: "We don't go to Target enough. I 'm pretty sure the last I went to Target I was 3."

Me: "What can I say? You live a deprived life."

Nico: "So... are we going to Target!?!"

Me: "Sure. But you can only get one small thing." Famous last words...

Before Target, we had to stop at Kohl's. Yes we HAD to because 1. They mailed me a $10 off coupon (marketing at its best) and 2. My ass has gotten bigger since last summer and I need some shorts that don't cut off my circulation. As we pull in Nico and I have the following conversation.

Nico: "This is not Target. What are we doing here?"

Me: "I need to buy some shorts."

Nico: "I'll just stay in the car."

Me: "No, you'll get super hot."

Nico: "I like to be super hot."

Me: " Mookie and Grandpa like this store. It's their favorite." After hearing this Nico decides Kohl's is worth a look. He even finds a packet of Toy Story socks for himself. On the way out, we have a typical stupid parking lot incident where I attempt to back out four times before being able to leave my parking spot that two other cars are fighting for.

Nico: "Those people are @#$%' morons"

Hmm...where did he hear that? Oh, yeah, that's what I just said about 10 seconds ago.

Nico: "Is that a bad word? @#$%' morons?"

Me: "Yes. We probably shouldn't say it."

As it turned out, Nico was right about Target. We found him a very cool bike helmet that had been marked down to $5.56. But that pales in comparison to what we found next. Nico's big find was the most coveted of all the monster trucks. I was beginning to think that this toy didn't exist, but as Nico was raking through boxes of Monster trucks he suddenly let out a cry "OH MY GOD! IT'S MOHAWK WARRIOR!"

Is it pathetic to admit that I was pretty excited about finding it too? Oh, well. No way were we going to leave Target without MOHAWK WARRIOR. Nico had won the monster truck lottery. Here are some pictures of Nico and his monster trucks including MOHAWK WARRIOR

Conversations on the way to the pool

Friday after work, I took the boys to the indoor pool because Nico had begged me to go when we passed the pool on Thursday. However, just one day later he had absolutely no recollection of this.
"Guess where we're going?" I asked excitedly.
"To Legoland!?!" shouted Mateo
"Umm...no. The pool." I said.
"Remember Nico? You wanted to go to the pool." I tried.
"Can I still play video games?" Nico asked seeming indifferent to the whole trip to the pool.
"Sure. After the pool." I sighed. So much for this being a big treat.
"OK. Pool then video games." Nico mutters to himself.
A few seconds later.
"N. I C. O. That's spelled Nico!" shouted Nico proudly putting up a finger for each letter, "And there are 1,2,3...4! letters in my name."
"My names beats your name." Mateo replied, "because it has FIVE letters."
"Well, Nico's full name is Nicolas. And that has seven letters. So looks like he wins after all." I added just to egg Mateo on.
"Oh, yeah...well my full name is Mateolas, and that has eight letters." Mateo said smuggly.
"No it's not." I laughed.
"Yes. It is Mommy. It really is. Ok?" Mateo said seeming rather pissed off.
"Whatever. Mateo." No use agruing.
"Did you know there are two kids named Alex?" Mateo said.
"Yep."
"Well, why do they have the same name?"
"Because it's a popular name. Some people have the same name. Like me and Miss Jackie (Nico's former babysitter). We are both named Jackie. And somewhere in the world there are other kids
named Mateo." I explained.
"There are other Mateos?" Nico asked in awe.
"Yes."
"Oh, well... I want to meet these other Mateos." Nico said suspiciously.
"Well, maybe someday we will." I replied.
We pulled into the pool parking lot and Nico and Mateo dashed to the doors to fight over who will push the button to open the doors. I recognized the girl who punches our pool pass as Nico's old swim teacher from Parent and Me. During this class, Nico loathed the circle time where everyone would sing songs. I would always have to ungracefuly duck out as Nico screamed at the other mommies and toddlers to "Stop singing! I hate this song!". Thankfully, his experiences in the preschool swim classes have been less eventful.
Onward to the locker room. In general, young children have no filter when it comes to commenting on the appreance of random strangers. So of course, being in a locker room with naked people is somewhat of a worrisome situation because at any moment something really inappropriate (but true) could be said. Fortunately (although not so fortunate for me) their comments today seem to all be directed at me.
"Haha...You have a fat belly." Nico shrieked as he grabbed my belly and shook it. "Why is it so fat!?!"
"Because I had 3 kids. Now put on your suit." I sighed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see two teenagers giggling. But my humiliation was not over just yet.
"Why do you have dots on your butt?" asked Mateo. Hmm...nothing like a 6 year old calling you out on your cellulite.
"Let's just get our bathing suits on, ok?" I said pulling my suit on quickly. And there you have it. My self esteem boost for the day.
I know I should start making them change themselves in the mens' locker room, but I don't even trust them to cross the street by themselves. There's no telling what they might decide to do in there. At home, they like to run around naked before their bath. They called it their "naked party." Not exactly the kind of thing that mens' locker room at the rec center needs. But I think the time is coming soon that they need to get changed in there. I don't know how much more brutally honest body critiquing I can take at this point.

Adventures at the Dog Park

For those of you that don't know, we have a dog. Her name is Honey and she is a valient soul. Unlike some couples, Max and I did not get Honey before we had kids. So she was never our "baby". She was always just "the dog". Despite never getting to be the center of all our love and attention, Honey has proven herself to be a top dog. She is great with the kids, trustworthy when left home alone, and has always done her business outside. She is also a pretty decent runner who forces me to pick up my pace on our 3 mile jogs.

From time to time, I feel a little guilty that Honey does not get more attention. The other day she was lying in a pile of dirty laundry while the kids ran around her screaming. She just laid there unfazed by the noise. Poor dog, I thought... she deserves a friend. A dog friend.

So the next day I loaded Honey and the boys into the van and we drove to the Dewey Street Animal Shelter. The people at the animal shelter suggested that we leave Honey with the receptionist while we looked at potential dogs. Then once we found one we liked, we could introduce it to Honey. Seemed fine to me, so we hooked Honey leash to the receptionists desk and off we went.

However, after looking at a few dogs, we were called back for Honey. Apparently, our perfect, docile dog was completely freaking out. When we returned to the receptionist's desk, Honey was sporting a new chain leash. In our absence, she had become so distraught that she chewed through her cloth leash. I should have taken this as a sign to leave, but we had a few dogs we thought Honey might like, so instead we walked a poor, frazzled Honey into the dog yard. Honey rejected the first two canidates, alternating nipping at them and frantically jumping on me and boys. The animal shelter staff concluded that Honey was an "alpha" dog, and that a dog friend might not be a good idea for her.

Before we left, we made one last attempt, and introduced Honey to an eight month old puppy. She seemed to take to this dog fairly well and relaxed a bit. I told the animal shelter that I would talk to Max about it and that we might be back for the puppy. When I got home, I went on the internet and showed Max the puppy's picture.

"Ugh! What kind of dog is that?" Max asked.

"I don't know, some kind of mix. What do you think?" I replied

"I think it's the ugliest dog I've ever seen. No" he said.

"But it gets along pretty good with Honey..." I tried

"I don't care. It's ugly." And so it was decided. Honey remained an only dog.

The people at the animal shelter suggested taking Honey to a dog park to socialize her a bit. As luck would have it, a new dog park just opened up right in our neighborhood. So I took Honey and the kids to check it out.

The kids immediately found a little dog that chased balls and spent the entire time playing catch with this dog and ignoring Honey. I will give Honey credit. For the most part, she was doing pretty good with the other dogs.

Then she had her run in with the Pomeranian. I knew this little dog was going to be a problem from the get go. As her owner walked her into the park, the dog started yapping at Honey. Honey's ears shot up. She raced towards the Pomeranian, and then stood directly over it. The Pomeranian's fur poofed out and it became frantic. Honey bent her head down and started nipping at it. The dog's owner swooped in and picked up the frazzled Pomeranian, and I called Honey over to me.

Honey ran past me, to the other end of the dog park, and immediately had diarrhea. Ok, time to go. That's enough fun for one day. I cleaned up Honey's mess, shouted an apology to the Pomeranian's owner, and I loaded the kids and Honey back into the van. As I drove home, I though about how my attempts to make Honey happy had backfired and brought more stress upon our poor dog.

"Hey, mom? Can we get a little dog that chases balls?" asked Mateo

"Maybe some day if we can get Honey to be nice to other dogs." I replied

"Mommy?" said Nico, "I don't think Honey wants to be nice to other dogs. I think Honey just wants to relax."

Well, that's pretty accurate...and for now, that's exactly what Honey is going to do.