Crazy Eyes

Nico started pre-K this year at my school. I'll admit I was a little apprehensive at first because he's not exactly a happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow kind of kid. Nico is basically a grumpy old man in a 4 year old's body. So, I wasn't quite sure how that would play out in a school setting.

But, it turned out to be the best thing for him. It's really helped him grow up A LOT. No complaints from his teachers, and Nico contends that school is "good" because he "tries to make happy choices". He's made friends and is very into learning the letters so he can read like Mateo.

And even though most mornings I'm on the verge of losing my mind due to watching both boys and trying to get ready for my students, Mateo enjoys having Nico at school with us. He also enjoys reminding Nico on a daily basis that he is "only in Pre-K" which by the way makes him "still little".

Recently, Nico made a turkey out of construction paper and fake feathers. He was excited to show me what he made and tell me exactly how many feathers it had. When we got home he said, "Now hang that chicken up! I don't want Daniela to touch it."

So the Thanksgiving chicken joined the Jack-o-latern,the letter S make out of glitter glue, and his star student certificate on the tack board in his room.

The next day, when I dropped him off at Pre-K, I told one of his teachers how proud he was of the "chicken" and that we hand to hang it up.

"Aren't those eyes great! They really make the turkey cute." she replied.Uh-oh. Busted. I have no idea what she's talking about I just kind glanced at the thing.

"Oh, I didn't really look very closely at the eyes, what are they like?"

"They were all different. Some had glasses, some had long eyelashes. It was interesting to see which eyes the kids picked. It really reflected their own personalities."

Hmmm. Now this got me curious to see which eyes Nico picked.

So after school I asked him, "Nico, do you remember what kind of eyes you picked for your turkey?"

"Yes. Crazy eyes." he replied.

"Oh, why did you pick crazy eyes?"

"Because everybody chases that turkey around and around and it drives him crazy. It's a mad, crazy turkey."

I know the feeling. I empathize with that turkey. Quite a fitting sentiment for the holiday season, I'd say. So when we got back home, I looked at the turkey and, sure enough, it looked pissed. I'd say his teacher's observation was correct.

Sunday Dinner

15 minutes before dinner
" I want a cookie with frosting" Nico demands.
" Not right now Nico. We're having dinner soon." I reply
"NOOO!!! NOW!!" Nico shrieks, throwing himself against the refrigerator. Daniela rushes in. She starts hitting the fridge with her hand yelling "Ow! Ow!"
Did I mention that I'm trying to cook. And that my kitchen is smaller than an airplane bathroom.
"Listen, you can have a cookie after dinner, but now you need to leave the kitchen so mommy can cook."
"Fine, go cook. And don't watch me!" Nico barks as he opens the fridge and starts looking for the cookies with frosting.
Ok, fine. This can go down the hard way. I grab the cookies and put them on top of the fridge.
"If you are hungry, you can have a cheese stick or grapes. Dinner will be ready soon and you can have the cookie after dinner."
"AHHHHHH!!!!"
Max hears the cries since we are now louder than the TV and comes into the kitchen. If you're keeping track that is now 4 people, 2 of which are hysterical, in the world's smallest kitchen. Max and Nico begin to agrue some more about the cookie. Daniela is still slapping the fridge and yelling. Max drags Nico to his room, but this does nothing to calm him down. I finally cave and bargain with Nico. In exchange for stopping his screaming, he can have one Nilla wafer. Miraculously, it works. I give one to Daniela too and they both run outside. Back to dinner.

5 minutes before dinner
"Ok everyone. Start cleaning up." I yell.
Max stays on the couch, seemingly unaware that I've said anything. Nico is outside jumping on the trampoline in his underwear reciting the Pledge of Allegiance at the top of his lungs. Daniela is drawing on her belly with a magic marker. And Mateo is playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I start herding them in, one at a time, trying to get them to pick up their toys, wash their hands, etc... Finally I give up, sit down at the table where I've put everyone's plate, and start eating by myself. Whatever, I'm hungry.

Dinner
I am eventually joined by the rest of the family. Daniela has brough her bowling game to the table and is busy lining up all the pins.
As soon as he sits down, Nico asks, "Where's my cookie with frosting?"
"I told you, you will get it after dinner."
"Aw...this dinner is yucky." he whines.
"Yeah, it's really disgusting." Mateo adds.
"What are you talking about?" I say nicely. "It has all kinds of things you like. There's meat and cheese and vegetables..."
"YUCK, YUCK, YUCK...I want a cookie." says Nico.
Max and Nico start to agrue about the cookie again. I look at Daniela and tell her to try some of her dinner to which she shakes her head and continues to set up her bowling pins.
Finally a compromise is reached and Nico agrees to eat 4 bites of his dinner because he is 4 years old. Make as much sense as most things he says. Then he will have a cookie. He eats his 4 bites and then changes his mind that he would like ice cream instead. You can guess what Mateo and Daniela did when they saw the ice cream.

3 minutes into dinner
We are all sitting, nicely and calmly, at our kitchen table. Max and I are eating the casserole I made. The kids are all eating bowls of ice cream. A peacful silence settles over us. Just the way I pictured my family Sunday dinners.

Face Paint

"Can I get my face painted like a pirate?"

This didn't seem like an unfair request from Mateo. We were in Legoland and we were just passing a booth that displayed several photos of kids' faces painted up to look like pirates, superheros, and princesses. A little girl sat in a chair as a lady brushed a colorful butterfly on her cheek. Sure, why not?

"How much is the face paint?" I asked

"Depends on what you want."

"Mommy, I want Spiderman!". Nico has now caught on to what we are doing and wants in on the action too.

"Spiderman is $17." the lady replies nonchalantly with a smile on her face.

Hmm...I must have heard that wrong. It sounded like she said $17, and that can't be right. Because that would mean that I would be shelling out $34 for both kids to get their faces painted. Paint that will wash off in a few hours. Unless of course they decide they want it off sooner.

The boys have had their faces painted before. At Christmas time, we were at a toy train show (again, the boys picked this activity, not me- last time I decided what the activity was it was 2002). Mateo got Batman and Nico got SpongeBob. When Mateo saw his face in the mirror, he said, "Wow, cool!" and left it on the rest of the day. Nico, however, took one look at the artist's handywork and screamed, "Get this guy off my face!". After trying to be persuaded otherwise, I finally gave up and wiped off the SpongeBob with a wipey I had in my purse. I remember being pissed about that. And SpongeBob only cost $3.

"Excuse me? Did you say $17?"

"Yes. You can pay over there. They accept credit & debit cards."

Uh-huh. I'm sure they do.

"Mateo, honey, that a lot of money."

"No, it's not, mommy."

"Well, actually it is. There's so many other things we could buy for $17..."

"Awwww!! Mom!! I want to look like a pirate!" Mateo pouts. "And Nico wants to be Spiderman!" he throws in to try and guilt trip me further.

"Listen," I try a different route, "I promise that when we get home, we can buy face paint and I'll paint your face. OK?"

"Uhhh!!" This is the only answer Mateo gives me along with his sourest puss. We wait in line at the next ride in silence. Mateo brooding, Nico cranky and insisting on being carried, and me wondering who hell pays $17 for face paint.

So we get back from Legoland and there is no mention of face paint. Good. They forgot. Time to put on Nick Jr and check my Facebook. I click the TV on and..."Mommy! Remember that! Remember at Legoland you SAID you'd GET me that!"

I glance up and see a commerical for a facepainting kit. Shit. "Yeah, I remember. We can go to Party City today and get some face paint."

So we go to Party City and pick up a face painting kit for $2.99. And because the cashier is the only adult I've seen all day, I tell him about the $17 Legoland deal. "Wow! Outrageous! Smart of you to come here." Why thank you. That's what I thought.

So we get home and Mateo, Nico & I watch several how-to videos on u-tube about facepainting. I don't have any of the brushes or special kinds of paint they recommend, but I manage to make Mateo into Black Spiderman and Nico into a skeleton. Daniela take one look at Nico and immediately bursts into tears. Nico initially enjoys this new ability to terrify his sister, but then gets bored and makes me change his face paint to Red Spiderman. Predictably, the boys then drag out the Halloween costumes and everyone, including Daniela, gets dressed up. Daniela even gets in the spirit and lets me paint a ladybug on her face.

Smack Talk

"Come on Grizz! You sleepin' or what?"

Now I know I'm ahead of Mark on the elliptical so far. But just to make sure, I glance over at his machine and check his total strides. Just as I suspected. I'm still ahead. Next to us an older woman is doing her own elliptical workout at a very normal, sane pace.

"Whatever. Check my machine, I'm ahead of you. Hurts, doesn't it? An overweight mom of three is kicking your ass."

Now the lady next to us lets out and audible chuckle and smiles at me. Mark laughs too and proceeds to beat me like he always does. Come on, I can't hold that kind of pace for an hour. I'm an overweight mom of three, remember? But I like to smack talk.

Few weeks later...

"Hey speed racer, you don't have to power up that hill. We still have a long ride ahead of us."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this pace was too fast for you. Seemed easy to me. Would you like me to slow down?"

Glen had nothing to say back to that, but he did make sure to drop me on water tower hill and on the flat section going back to Henderson. As he should, he's a much more experienced cyclist that me. But, I like to smack talk.

I come by it honestly. Many of my family members are also smack talkers. In fact, Mateo it seems has inherted this trait as well. Today at T-ball practice is a good example.

Mateo asked one of the boys on the team what his name was.

"Nothing!" shouted the boy.

Mateo looked confused and responded, "Nothing? Your name is nothing?"

"No. I'm just not going to tell you my name."

I sat in a lawn chair a few feet away observing this conversation while pretending to read my book. I wondered if I could smack this little brat upside his head and make it look like an accident. God, I hope he's not in my class someday. But I didn't intevene. I wanted to see how Mateo would handle it.

"Ok." Mateo said, "Well if you won't tell me your name, I'll just have to give you a name. How about Lilly?"

"Haha. Lilly is a girl's name!" said another teammate.

"Yeah. You can be Lilly. The prettiest girl in T-ball." Mateo sang out with a huge grin as the offending boy's jaw dropped.

I stared down at my book and forced myself not to laugh. Another smack talker. I'm oddly proud of him at this moment.

Stressed Out Anyone?

Unlike some people, I don't pretend to have my shit together. The truth is I'm usually chasing my tail and the majority of the time, it is my own damn fault. Take right now for instance. It's 11pm on a school night and I'm on the internet. It's really gonna suck to wake up at 6am having gone to bed at midnight. Yes, I know. Entirely my fault. Self imposed stressed.

So it's no surprise that with report cards due, I'm totally behind. The following dream is the result of said stress.

I'm teaching math. I turn my back on the class to write something on the board and when I turn around I find that the students have totally rearranged their desks. They are all sitting next to their friends and talking really loud. I become enraged and tell them to move their desks back. But they won't.

"Fine!" I shout, "I'll just do it then. Get out of the way!"

I start to move the desks back, but then I realize that the students have cleverly taken off their name tags, so I have no idea whose desk is whose. Also, I just can't get the desks to move where I want them to! All this desk moving is getting me hot, so I take off the sweater I'm wearing.

Just then, my assistant principal walks in and asks, "Where are your students?"

I look around and realize that they all left the room and I have no idea where they are. Then I look down and realize that I had nothing on underneath my sweater and I've been moving around the desks totally topless!

I told this dream to my friends Jamie. She cracked up when I got to the topless part. Guess it wasn't bad enough that my entire class turned on me and then I lost them all. I had to be naked too.

Hopefully one day I'll learn to stop shooting myself in the foot and not leave things till the last minute. Unlikely. But the thought comforts me. I could be that teacher whose report cards are done 3 weeks before they are due. I could be that super efficient, organized, fabulous, skinny mom whose mini-van floor is not covered in crushed up Goldfish crackers. Maybe, but not this week. And next week is not looking so good either :)

Things I forgot about 18 month olds

So Daniela is now 18 months old, which means she has officially gone from being a sweet, docile baby to being a wild, unruly toddler. Although she is my third child, I forgot about certain things that 18 month olds do (more like blocked it out of my memory- a coping strategy I'm sure). Here is a short list of some of her current obsessions.

1. The Bathroom. Everything in the bathroom. The toilet is number one of course. She sees it as her own personal kiddie pool. Why not put some toys in there and splash around? And then course try flushing those toys down the toilet. Daniela also likes climbing in and out of the bathtub, especially after someone has recently taken a shower, makes it more slippery. And let's not forget the toothbrushes. It's fun to put them all in your mouth and run around the house like that at full speed.

2. The climbing. Some kids walk around holding a teddy bear or blankie, Daniela prefers to drag around a kitchen chair, so she can hoist herself onto any surface too high for her to reach otherwise. We can no longer keep anything on our kitchen table, unless we hide all our chairs (which is incredibly annoying if you ever want to sit down) because Daniela will climb up there and have her way with it. Example, Mateo left a cup of water on the table the other day. As soon as she saw it, Daniela swung herself up there and yelled, "Wazz at?" She then proceeded to pour all the water out of the cup and run her hands through it. "Ohhhh!" she said, obviously pleasantly surprised, as getting wet is one of her favorite things. She then put her whole body into it and glided across the table on her belly like it was a slip and slide.

3. All things electronic. My cell phone. My laptop. The Wii. The DVD player. The DirectTV box. Anything with buttons that other people do not want her touching. She also likes to pull her chair up to ligh switches and turn them on, off, on, off, on, off...

4. The dog's food and water. The water holds the same appeal as the toilet. Splashing, slipping, sliding, getting the outfit I just put her in 5 minutes ago soaked, making as big a mess as possible. Daniela has an extensive wardrobe which she likes to make the best off. Often necesitating 3 or more outfit changes a day so she can show off all her clothing. No wonder I'm constantly doing laundry. And although she regularly refuses to eat her food, she is always up for a fist full of dog food.

5. The garbage can. Daniela loves putting things in the garbage can. So it is always wise now a days to check its contents before putting the bag at the curb. We have found, to mention a few things, toys, utensils, Mateo's shoes, and scariest of all my car key. Daniela also like to take things out of the garbage. Today she found a day old go-gurt that she tried to eat. Almost as tasty as dog food I bet.

Ahhh...and just as Nico is starting to calm down a little. Looks like the light at the end of the tunnel was the headlights of an oncoming train. No more sweet baby. Let's start counting down the days till kindergarten. Isn't that when everyone will calm down? Just agree with me, please. As Jack Nicholson famously said, I "can't handle the truth!"

The New Ride

Yes, at least I have one cool ride. Although the mini-van is very handy for transporting all my tri gear- I mean that's why I bought it right? Had nothing to do with my 3 kids :).

For those of you that know about bikes, you know exactly what I have and what an awesome upgrade it is for me. It is a Trek Madone 5.2. For those of you that don't know about bikes (you know, like me) I'll explain why it is so good. It is around 6-7 lbs ligher than my old aluminum frame one. Riding this bike up a climb reminds me of something Mateo said last summer, "A snail, it doesn't have legs, it just goes.". That's what this bike does. It just goes. It glides. I don't have to work! I just pedal and I'm up the hill. Amazing.

I know there are other awesome components to this bike that I don't understand (If you have questions, you can ask Mark or Glen. I'm sure they would be happy to elaborate). But for now, I'm in awe of its lighness and awesomeness. Bring on the triathlons!

I will leave you with a picture of how my house looked when I came back from one of my rides (photo at the top- can't seen to figure out how to get it to post at the bottom and not worth the effort). That's chocolate pudding all over Daniela's face. And Nico appears to be surfing the internet. Max is very supportive of my cycling, if not the best housekeeper :).