Barbie's No Biker

One of the things I love about doing triathlons is that you never can tell who is going to kick your butt or whose butt you are going to be able to kick. Sure, the guy who wins the thing is gonna be your stereotypical super lean, super fit, triathlete. But, for those of us hanging in the middle to back of the pack, we get to enjoy some surprising versions of "looks can be deceiving" as a kid in a T-shirt and cargo pants on a mountain bike blows by someone on a pricey tri bike with all kinds of gear, or a really old man out runs a group of fit looking guys half his age.

Being an underdog myself (which is my euphemism for being fat and slow), I love this kind of stuff. I experienced it for the first time at my first triathlon. When I was in line to get my race number marked all over my body, I took note of the girl in front of me. She was tall, lean, tanned, and blonde. You know, everything I'm not and Barbie is. As an adult, I know I should no longer care, but the truth is that Barbie intimidates me. Huge chunks of my adolescent years were wasted either trying to be Barbie or being depressed that I wasn't Barbie. I would like to think that I've matured a bit since then, but let's face it: I have no love for Barbie and I'm sick of her always being better than me.

So we get into the race and I survive the swim and make it to the bike. This is when I see Barbie again and surprisingly blow right past her on the bike. Just as I'm thinking that that was really weird, I meet a new woman. This woman is definately not Barbie. If fact, her butt is so big I can't believe she can sit comfortably on her bike seat. She had to be at least 50 pounds heavier than me. But she is pumping it. Fast. Up a hill. As I shift into an easier gear, she plows right past me and keeps on going. I try to follow her, but have to drop back. I can't keep that pace. She then disappears into the distance.

As I finish the bike, I find myself thinking about this woman and how she can just power up a hill like that and leave Barbie spinning miles behind her. As I transition into the run, I start to hurt. I know I must look bad because people in the crowd are starting to shout to me "Keep going, you can do it, looking strong, etc". I know I don't look strong, I look like I'm ready to keal over. I start progressing towards the turn around and who do I see? The lady who passed me on the bike. But she is not running the same direction as me. She's running towards the finish line. She's already been to the turn around. Phenomonal. I pick up my pace a little to meet her and give her a thumbs up as I pass her and yell "You're awesome, you're almost there!" I push myself up the hill knowing that I've really got no excuse if this lady can do it.

So, Barbie didn't beat me. But, I've long since stopped thinking about Barbie. I've got a new hero. A real woman. An inspiration.

Unattachment Parenting: My New Parenting Philosophy

Many of you many be familiar with the concept of attachment parenting. This is basically where you keep your baby velcroed to you 24 hours a day because it will help the little one better trust you. Here's a link if this is your thing http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp .

Now, now, put down your mommy boxing gloves if this IS your thing. I'm not trying to challenge you or your way of doing things. I just need to let my readers know where I am coming from.As the saying goes, "I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Or something like that.

Ok, now that I've calmed down the crazies let's get to the point. When I was pregnant with Mateo, I had all kinds of ideas about how I would perfectly parent and how my perfectly parented child would respond. But I happened to overlook one small detail. I'm lazy. Like really lazy. And, I enjoy having a life. Yes, yes, I enjoy my "family life", but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about I enjoy my let's have a drink, socailize with adults, and not involve my kids for a little bit kinda life.

So, with each consecutive child, I've began to rely less and less on the experts and have really come into my own. I like to call my parenting philosophy "Unattachment Parenting". I understand that my grammar may not be correct; perhaps "deattachment" is the term, but like I said I'm lazy, too lazy to google it.

Anyhow, back to my philosophy. Unattachment Parenting, which we will now refer to as UP, to be cool and confuse everyone, involves distracting and tricking your children into amusing themselves so that you are free to surf the internet, talk on the phone, read a trashy novel, or pursue whatever leisure activity you choose.

Now, I'm not going to claim that UP is a new philosophy. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's an ancient philosophy practiced across many cultures. My mother, in fact, used many of the techniques of UP while raising my siblings and me. So if that isn't proof of it's success, what is?

My youngest, Daniela, was raised 100% using the UP method. And, I'm quite happy to report is thriving and the most easygoing, advanced, and brillant of my 3 perfect offspring. So here are some basics of UP. Note that this is by no means a comprehensive list, just a few main ideas regarding infants.

1. Formula is your friend. Buy the super cheap Walmart brand. At night, give your baby a huge bottle and mix in some rice cereal. Helloooo sleeping through the night! Now, slow down there mommy, I know what you're thinking. Won't this make the infant obese. Well, possibly since most of America currently is, but it will help prevent II (infant insomnia) and preserve your sanity.

2. Do not carry your baby around. Get some swings, bouncy seats, bumbos, whatever, off of craigslist and tell his or her older siblings to "show the baby some toys".

3. When the baby cries, act like you're the baby's father and "pretend" not to hear him or her for at least the time it takes you to finish cooking dinner, wiping your older kids' butts, etc. If the baby is still crying after that time tell one of the older siblings to "go sing to the baby".

4. Pay absolutely no attention to the baby's milestones and do not get stressed out about what he or she eats, poops, or does or doesn't do.

I'll tell you, Daniela's babyhood has really flown by and been a joy using the UP method. I feel as if only yesterday I brought her home from the hosiptal and now she is feeding herself cereal off the floor that the boys have dropped crawling around largely unsupervised amusing herself.

Don't Leave Home Without It

Most of the time, I'm pretty good about remembering to bring everything we need when I'm out and about. I try and have bags pre-packed for routine outings. I keep a lot of these bags in the car, so that I don't have to think too much when I leave the house. Along with the bags, I usually keep our double stroller in the trunk. Now, I don't need this stroller because Nico can't walk longer distances; he's more than capable of walking and fiercely prefers it to sitting in a stroller. The stroller's sole purpose, therefore, is to keep us all together. In other words, it is a restraining device.
So, forgetting said stroller when I am alone in public with all three of them can be quite nerve racking. I've done it a few times and here is basically what happens. I open my trunk expecting to find the stroller and instead find myself staring at my road bike. Ok, no big deal. Not worth going back to the house. The boys can walk and I can just carry he baby, no problem. Why am I always so delusional?
So, I get the baby out of her carseat and then proceed to get the boys out of theirs. As soon as Nico's feet hit the ground he looks at me and realizes that the stroller is not present. He gives a sly grin and then screams and and dashes away from me at full speed. Not to be left out, Mateo goes for the gusto and chases after his brother into on coming traffic. Meanwhile, Daniela has also realized that there will be no stroller today and is trying her best to leap out of my arms by violently throwing herself backwards. I try my best to keep her from falling onto the pavement while also holding our 2 bags that roughly weigh about 5 pounds each.
I trudge after the boys and manage to get Mateo to stop running by screaming threats at the top of my lungs that video games will not happen this weekend if he does not get back to me right now. I then locate Nico in a bush and pull him out by what ever body part I can get a good grip on. Then we all start walking to our destination, all the while I'm trying not to drop the baby or dislocate Nico's shoulder as he twists & turns in an attempt to escape my grasp.
I think the theory has sufficiently been tested that the double stroller, in all its bulkiness, is in fact essential for our ventures to the outside world.

Another Week of Summer Vacation

As anyone with small children knows, life can be quite monotonous if you do not leave the house. It becomes an endless cycle of cleaning, preparing meals, and breaking up fights. Not something I "love" doing in a sober condition.

Yes, the actual act of leaving sometimes seems impossible. However, if you can perserve and get everyone in the car along with the extensive gear and supplies needed you will be happy you did. Because this, people, is how time flies. As the saying goes, "Time flies when your having fun." Time drags like nobody's business when your cleaning your kitchen for the 5th time and it's 10:30am.

So each week I try and find something to do each day with the kids. The last 2 weeks, Mateo has been doing swim lessons at the Rec Center which worked out great because we would just pack lunches and stay for open swim. I'd keep us there until the kids were near exhaustion and then pack everyone in the car and drive around the neighborhood until I knew they had all fallen into a deep sleep (borderline comatose) so that they would stay asleep as I transfered them into their beds. Nice!

Anyhow, the first swim session has finished and there is a one week break in between sessions. So we are left with a week without plans. Panic. But wait, as luck would have it my friend, Jamie, found a free 1/2 day camp for ages 4-12 year olds. Vacation Bible School at a Baptist Church. Now, I'm not Baptist, but I have no problem with the nice Baptist folk taking my unruly 4 year off my hands for 3 hours. Much like my own mother who sent me to Jewish summer camp for 7 weeks. I'll have you know that I can still sing several blessings in Hebrew.

So Mateo loved his 1st day, especially since he was in the same group as Jamie's son Connor. The lesson of today was "I am special" which of course is perfect for Mateo (and most other 4 year olds) because he is totally convinced that he is the most awesome person alive. Too bad so many of us lose that confidence as adults. When I asked him what he did he replied, "I made a picture of myself, I sang songs, and I prayed to Cheez-its Christ."

Meanwhile, back at the house, Daniela took a nap and Nico did his daily ritual of lining up small toys and trying to break random electronic devices in our house. All in all, a good day.

Welcome to My Blog

So, lately I've been spending a lot time online since I've been under house arrest (AKA staying home all day with 3 kids under 5). In this time, I've been posting quite a bit on Facebook and other websites and decided I'm probably better off just starting a blog.

So, here are some things you will probably read about on this blog

1. The amusing, annoying, and/or insane things my children do.

2. My new obsession with completing triathlons, despite the fact that I'm slow and fat.

3. My general commentary on things that happen to me or are in the news (as in E news, people).

Be forewarned that I am not much of a writer. In fact, I'm pretty much of a nit-wit and nothing profound or of much worldy importance will be discussed here. Also, if I am anything, I am honest. So there will be no sugar coating here. Expect the uncensored version.

Ok, well, enjoy the blog. That's it for now as I have already been interrupted numerous times by my husband, children, and dog in the 10 minutes it took me to write this.