Unattachment Parenting: My New Parenting Philosophy

Many of you many be familiar with the concept of attachment parenting. This is basically where you keep your baby velcroed to you 24 hours a day because it will help the little one better trust you. Here's a link if this is your thing http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp .

Now, now, put down your mommy boxing gloves if this IS your thing. I'm not trying to challenge you or your way of doing things. I just need to let my readers know where I am coming from.As the saying goes, "I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Or something like that.

Ok, now that I've calmed down the crazies let's get to the point. When I was pregnant with Mateo, I had all kinds of ideas about how I would perfectly parent and how my perfectly parented child would respond. But I happened to overlook one small detail. I'm lazy. Like really lazy. And, I enjoy having a life. Yes, yes, I enjoy my "family life", but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about I enjoy my let's have a drink, socailize with adults, and not involve my kids for a little bit kinda life.

So, with each consecutive child, I've began to rely less and less on the experts and have really come into my own. I like to call my parenting philosophy "Unattachment Parenting". I understand that my grammar may not be correct; perhaps "deattachment" is the term, but like I said I'm lazy, too lazy to google it.

Anyhow, back to my philosophy. Unattachment Parenting, which we will now refer to as UP, to be cool and confuse everyone, involves distracting and tricking your children into amusing themselves so that you are free to surf the internet, talk on the phone, read a trashy novel, or pursue whatever leisure activity you choose.

Now, I'm not going to claim that UP is a new philosophy. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's an ancient philosophy practiced across many cultures. My mother, in fact, used many of the techniques of UP while raising my siblings and me. So if that isn't proof of it's success, what is?

My youngest, Daniela, was raised 100% using the UP method. And, I'm quite happy to report is thriving and the most easygoing, advanced, and brillant of my 3 perfect offspring. So here are some basics of UP. Note that this is by no means a comprehensive list, just a few main ideas regarding infants.

1. Formula is your friend. Buy the super cheap Walmart brand. At night, give your baby a huge bottle and mix in some rice cereal. Helloooo sleeping through the night! Now, slow down there mommy, I know what you're thinking. Won't this make the infant obese. Well, possibly since most of America currently is, but it will help prevent II (infant insomnia) and preserve your sanity.

2. Do not carry your baby around. Get some swings, bouncy seats, bumbos, whatever, off of craigslist and tell his or her older siblings to "show the baby some toys".

3. When the baby cries, act like you're the baby's father and "pretend" not to hear him or her for at least the time it takes you to finish cooking dinner, wiping your older kids' butts, etc. If the baby is still crying after that time tell one of the older siblings to "go sing to the baby".

4. Pay absolutely no attention to the baby's milestones and do not get stressed out about what he or she eats, poops, or does or doesn't do.

I'll tell you, Daniela's babyhood has really flown by and been a joy using the UP method. I feel as if only yesterday I brought her home from the hosiptal and now she is feeding herself cereal off the floor that the boys have dropped crawling around largely unsupervised amusing herself.